Google-plex

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This was written during high school- summer of 07

If Stalin were alive today, he would be the CEO of Google. Using Google’s many facilities, Stalin and his bandits would set out to restart the revolution and to control the masses. Behind Google’s friendly interface would lay twisted Soviet motives. Emerging from the depth of the “Blog-o-sphere”, Stalin and Google would set out to rule the world!


In his early years as a politician, Stalin would have spent his time as an online receptionist-much like his early job in “the party” as party organizer. In his free time, Stalin would post radical articles on his MySpace blog and partake in the communist tradition of “file sharing”. In the far reaches of the Internet chatrooms, Stalin and his supporters would plan and calculate when to make their move. Stalin would order his cronies to send powerful viruses through out the Internet, crashing the electronic flow of money destabilizing the capitalist system worldwide. Threatening not to release the Internet from his chokehold, Stalin would force the world to convert to communism in exchange for Internet usage. Sadly, in exchange for our Internet privileges the human race would submit to Stalin and place him as “head of the world”.


Instead of nationalized utilities like Stalin propagated in his first life, this time Stalin would unite the world under his thumb by using Googlism. First, Stalin would regulate thought. He would make it so that all homepages were Google. Setting filters on rabble-rousing keywords and eliminating web sites that were not in his favor, he would arrest those who displeased him. Wishing to control mass media, Stalin would censor YouTube (a recent purchase of Google). YouTube would be the only source of media and under his control Stalin would distort it by posting propaganda videos. Forget E-mail as a form of uncensored communication. G-mail, the only E-mail provider under Stalin would be more like KGB-mail. Stalin’s henchmen would read through your E-mails and punish those who spoke against him.


With the world’s people enmeshed by Stalin’s rule, Stalin would finally lay the Capitalist casket to rest. Using Froogle, Google’s home shopping service, Stalin would control the flow of money. All purchases must be made via Froogle in Stalin’s new world order. Stalin’s chief economists would constrict the economy by not allowing unfavorable business transactions to be completed by intentionally freezing Froogle. With this type of economic control, Stalin would be able to maintain his revolution (unlike his first run, which failed under the natural flow of the world economy.) Using Google’s services as the staple of a new soviet society, Stalin would be able to truly take over the world. Stalin would name his new world order “Google Earth”.

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